For the first time since Mom got here, I feel at peace. The house is so quiet and lovely. Mom and Clayton are asleep. The dogs are all sprawled out in the various places of rest. It’s cloudy and rainy outside which I love. For the first time in days, I finally feel alive again. The headaches were the worst pain I have ever experienced and now have an appreciation for my dad’s daily experience with MS. I feel happy again.
I’ve no idea where this post is going, but wanted to write.
This week has been a long one, but not without its good moments. I discovered that I actually enjoy watching Bravo’s “Top Chef” (Boo! Spike should have gone tonight!) mostly because of Cameron’s love of cooking. It also made me realize that I’m happy that Cam isn’t an egotistic bastard of a cook either. His dishes are never pompous, but merely full of flavor that is meant to be enjoyed. He cooks not to merely impress, but share his enjoyment of a great meal. It’s one of the many reasons I love him.
Mom and I watched Diane Sawyer’s special on Randy Pausch tonight as well. I had never heard of him, but Mom had. As I watched him live his life, I saw a lot of my attitudes there. I felt two things: 1) envy of the attention he was getting (what? I like attention!) and 2) validation for my own attitude. The envy is simple. Here I am treating my own cancer the way I try to react to most bad news that is out of anyone’s control — with laughter, fun and the promise to continue living in a manner that captures everything I consider to be good in human nature. Wait, that’s the reason for the validation, too.
Yes, I know reason #1 is petty, but it was an honest reaction. Reason #2 is probably why I wanted to write tonight. Here is a man with a far, far more icky version of cancer (pancreatic) than I have doing things and living the exact same way I’ve been striving for: acceptance with humor, happiness with practicality, fun but special attention to my health. We all think that if people would just adapt to our way of thinking the world would be much better place, but I think in this I am most definitely right. Have a laugh at least once a day. Deal with problems in a serious manner, but at some point each day make fun of it, too. Trust me, it won’t seem as bad.
That, at least, is what I strive for. I don’t always succeed myself and I do have remind myself at times, but I truly believe that it helps.
No idea why I’m being all serious tonight, but there you go. I’m going to listen to my “critic’s preview” copy of The Weepies’ album Hideaway that comes out April 22. I’ll let you know how it is in the next couple of weeks once I give it its due. Good night and don’t forget to be a little silly today.
Listening to: “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” – Vampire Weekend
“a little silly”? Given the folks who stop by here, you might as well have said, “Don’t forget to breathe a little.”
Jami’s last blog post..More useless information
I’m silly every morning at least. You should hear the conversations I try to elicit from the chooks. And the nonsense I come out with to the cats. But as for the silliness my beloved endures… :-)
Actually, he’s often said he rather likes me being completely bonkers.
This latest post of yours was strangely uplifting; I say strangely only because of what you’re dealing with right now. It has made me realise yet again how wonderful life can be, right here, right now, if we only pause and look around. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, there is always good to focus on.
Your description of Cameron’s approach to cooking brings to mind my dearest nearest: he, too, likes to cook and loves to provide for others an unpretentious but highly creative meal. He kind of glows in the kitchen when he’s prepping a dinner party – and I don’t mean he sticks his fingers into electrical sockets, he just enthuses and it’s highly infectious.
You’ve reminded me not only about the good things in life in general, but just how lucky I am myself to have love in my life, too. So thanks Howard. I hope you and Cameron and everyone you love have a fabulous weekend upcoming.
Love and blessings to you all. x
Andy’s last blog post..Site changes complete
Oh and on a completely different topic, I thought you’d like to know your entire blog is running sloooooooooooow today. It might be a transatlantic problem with pipes or whatever – I dunno – but it takes about five minutes – yes, five! – to load any given blog entry, and posting a comment takes less time than that on the page, but my comment above took just over a minute to send and for it appear. x
Andy’s last blog post..Site changes complete
Jami: Good point.
Andy: Yeah, I think that’s why I ended up writing last night. Just wanted to get some stuff about enjoying life out. I know I’m going to be realy tired for next couple of days, so will be out of the blogging businees for a couple of days.
I’ve been crazed at work an barely home so my blog reading as suffered a bit. Just catching up now. I wish I’d had all those number sticker ideas when I was going through it all. They are genius.
Glad you are better.
David’s last blog post..Theatre Review Shorts
Of all the wonderful memories of this past Thanksgibing w/ you and Cam and Lorne (and doggies), one in particular stood out. And that was Cameron bringing me into the kitchen and whispering how excited he was to be making the soup since it was a favorite of yours.
Love, baby. It really is all you need. And laughter too.
Kath’s last blog post..A Love Story
Yesterday a resident called me in to change the channel on her T.V. I replied with ” I’m not a remote control dammit” To which she said “yes you are!” I retorted with ” Ooohh… Imma gonna fuck you up!!” I then promptly pinched her cheeks! Good times. It’s fun to be silly at work!
I have been a little (read” a lot) reluctant to comment on your cancer because it seemed like such a delicate subject to me. And really, i just didn’t know what to say. But there are two things I want you to know: I admire you, and I want you to get better soon.
I have thought about you today! I do hope today went well. Sure you will find maybe good and funny things to take away from the first round …
But in regards to humor in a serious situation, I couldn’t agree more. At my dad’s funeral, my grandpa cracked off a totally inappropriate joke about my cousin’s boyfriend, and I couldn’t hardly pick myself up off the floor from laughing. Laughter helps.
Love you.
hdw’s last blog post..Protected: Love Thursday: A Boy Is …
Funny moment for today was with YOU actually, at the most unexpected time. You made being in the chemo ward, well, fun.
“And all the clocks chime at five”
And if you can’t cheer yourself up, there is always Precious Moments figurines.
Love you and I hope you get good rest over the weekend
Top Chef is some high drama fun–And how sexy is Colicchio?
Thank you for all your silliness ;)
Jason’s last blog post..Photo Friday- FRAGILE
I agree, you HAVE to laugh. Life just simply calls for it. I am so glad to hear that you’re upbeat, positive and doing well…just remember to unload the crappiness too ;) I’ve heard so much about the book Crazy Sexy Cancer tips – have you read it?
Rest up and take good care!
And I can’t wait for the new Weepies! I LOVE THEM!!
rosie’s last blog post..Roxy wuz here, LOL.
Hey Howard!
You should tape 60 minutes as I just saw this blurb: “a leukemia patient’s invention may help others beat the same disease”
Steve Rebooted’s last blog post..Lord’s Boot Camp
Beautiful writing, beautiful sentiment, and just the right amount of silliness, always. I suddenly flashed on “This is Spinal Tap” while reading your entry. Talk about a blast from the past.
Know you’re in my prayers, my friend…
Yes, I’ve been following Randy Pausch – he’s getting in his 15 minutes or more with an important message. Thanks for reminding me of this – one can never hear it enough. Often, humor is the only thing keeping me afloat. The summary of my life is Eddie Murphy in “Bowfinger”: “Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together …”
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